Secret Invitation

My mutually shared 60th birthday began as a secret; a secret invitation sent out by my husband to a large group of our friends.

He wanted to surprise me for my birthday by taking a villa in Tuscany to share with our friends.  It's something we've always talked about and he decided somebody needed to take the bull by the horns and investigate the possibilities.

He researched the best months to go, the available properties, whether to get a staff or go "bare boat".  He put together the plan, sent it out and asked them to come, to celebrate in Italy.  It wasn't just about my birthday, there were at least 8 of us turning 60.  It was also about shared friendship.      

He planned it with 9 months lead time thinking that would be enough.  It wasn't.

Out of 20+ invitations, only one person responded she would go.  One said she'd try, the rest were either a flat no or they'd get back to him..  But they never did.  He was crushed.  He never told me.  I didn't know anything about it.

I accidentally found out in the midst of the New Orleans plans.  His trip idea sparked a smaller, shorter, more manageable excursion but it was also more cliquey and not all-inclusive.  One of the women organizing this trip let it slip to me that it was "all Scott's doing."  When I asked what she meant, the cat was out of the bag.

My husband is a thoughtful man.  He loves a surprise.  For his 40th, I surprised him by kidnapping him to Mexico, booking a beautiful hotel in Ensenada where all our friends, at least 14 of them, were waiting.  He's also had a few surprise parties over the years but  I've shunned them for myself.  A few years ago, however, I expressed the desire to really celebrate sixty.  He obviously did not forget.

He was hurt by the lack of response from our friends.  He thought there would be enough of a consensus, say four or five couples, to put it together.  Once I knew and was able to discuss with him, I empathized but told him he shouldn't have too many expectations of friends.  It's often a shifting street, a slippery slope.

It all worked out.  But wouldn't it have been magical to take that villa in the golden hills of Toscana?   We'll get there together.

You know what they say, "When God closes a door, he opens a window"

Anniversary

I have been married 36 years today if I don't count the divorce, the 3 year hiatus and 1 year of living together before we re-married.  Now, that is quite a story.

Lake Okeechobee Sunset  by Cole Scott

The lake is surrounded by a man made dike, Hoover Dike,  begun in 1929 completed 1971. 

It protects the surrounding communities from floods during hurricane season.   The

dike takes up the lower part of the shoot which explains the perfectly straight horizon.  

My husband is in Florida right now, exploring the Everglades and the Panhandle.  He left New Year's Day  on a road trip with our oldest son.  They drove to Naples where our second son lives.  They spent a week in the warm sun, helping #2 move into a new apt not fifty feet from the beach.  He had quality time with both boys who, when it came time to say goodbye, were very emotional.  #1 flew back to Salt Lake City for his last semester at the U and my husband left Naples the following day. 

Thirty six years of marriage is certainly no small feat.  It has taken every bit of will power we have to make it work.  Ours is not the idyllic chirping of soul mates.  It is the rocky road of ups, downs, angry moments, leave takings and time spent apart held together ultimately by two children we cherish more than life.  We made the decision long ago to make it work and we have. 

Romantic?  Sometimes very.  Our happiest moments together are on vacation, just the two of us, on the road, exploring.  Our greatest accomplishments are those two boys with whom we are "well pleased." 

Why am I not with my husband right now?  He needed to get away and I needed him to be away.  He needed to bond with his sons, spend memorable time together before the inevitable changes in all our lives become permanent. 

At leave taking, our younger son told his father "I don't think I'll be moving home again, Dad." 

That's a powerful statement and, no matter you know it's coming, it shakes you.  It is one of those moments.

As my husband wends his way towards Apalachicola, I  have to admit, it's a pretty good marriage.  When you get to the point where you can give your partner the freedom to explore, enjoy and discover things with or without you,  no strings attached, that's love with an open hand.   

Happy Anniversary honey!

Divorce Sixties Style

I wouldn't have been caught dead going to see this movie in 1967. I was way too cool for this kind of drivel. Forty plus years later, it's a fascinating look at mid-Sixties' suburbia. If you long for the old days & ways: smoking in public, drinking like a fish, wearing ladylike clothes, a bar in your basement, precociously wise kids and a single salary supports a family of four, this is the movie for you.

Everyone smokes; the housekeeper irons and smokes at the same time (multi-tasking!); the husbands smoke & drink hard liquor alot a la Mad Men. Tim Matheson, my favorite Animal, plays the oldest son. The upper middle class home about-to-be-bequeathed-in-the-settlement is worth $50,000 (can't find a starter trailer for that nowaways!). The live- in housekeeper makes $250 per month. Top salesman, Jason Robards, makes $32,000 per year and it's good money except for the alimony he's paying ex-wife, Jean Simmons. To solve this financial problem, he's pimping her out, in a manner of speaking, to the best potential new provider. She looks gorgeous; still elegant and perky. Makes me remember a movie she did a few years later called "The Happy Ending"; another movie about marriage but not the least bit lighthearted. Great song came out of that movie, "What Are You Doing the Rest of Your Life?" by that most talented of movie songwriting couples, the Bergmans. They also wrote "The Way We Were" my all time favorite love song.

Ahhh, suburban nostalgia from the Sixties. And the movie isn't half bad either. Really!

Birthdays & Anniversaries

My husband and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary yesterday. Today is his 59th birthday. When asked about the day-before-his-birthday wedding, he likes to say,

"One day I was 24 and single, the next, 25 and married."

This usually gets alot of laughs.

It is daunting, however, to realize we've been married such a long time and are now just this side of 60. I often feel as though I'm living someone else's life. We just can't be this old nor have been together so long. I mean, weren't we just in our twenties?

A favorite movie scene comes to mind in "Meet Joe Black". Anthony Hopkins plays a Rupert Murdoch-style media mogul whose new and mysterious house guest, played by Brad Pitt, is really the Angel of Death, Joe Black. The Angel of Death is on holiday but he'll soon be returning to the netherworld with Hopkins in tow. The Hopkins character is well aware of that fact. His 65th birthday party on his Long Island estate is in full swing when he takes the stage to thank his guests, ending his speech with this wonderful quote,

"I wish that all of you will be as lucky as me, to be able to wake up one day and say 'I don't need anything more'...65 years, gone in a blink."

While searching for this scene from the movie, which I never found, I came across this quote from another blog:

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you DO today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind... let it be something good." - Author Unknown

A Good Days' Gardening

Maggie the Cat having a drink. My husband calls this

"Here birdy birdy!"

This past weekend was warm and sunny in northern New Hampshire. My husband and I spent most of it gardening. It was a pleasure to get down in the dirt and dig. He even enjoyed mowing the lawn, not something he normally likes to do; but after the long winter, slow-to-start Spring and our trip to Kentucky where it was bluegrass and flowers all the way, we can't wait to get out in the yard.

My pansies are in so the photo I posted longingly last month is applicable now. Soon, I'll have flowering phlox, peonies, lilacs and candytuft. I have to buy more annuals to mix with the perennials. The photo above is my cat drinking out of the birdbath. It's hilarious. She looks wicked.

The bug aren't biting just yet. In northern New England, we have black flies. They bite. Before I lived here full time, I thought they were a myth...like snipe. I honestly thought they were something New Englanders made up to keep out the flatlanders. Wishful thinking. They are small, they buzz and they love to attack just behind your ears and on your neck near the carotid artery. They draw blood and leave a nasty, itchy boil full of ooze that leaks when you scratch.

As if if that weren't enough to drive you crazy, we have unbelievable mosquitoes. Southerners love to brag about their mosquitoes which are larger in size. But ours are meaner. They leave huge itchy raised welts that can last two weeks. The more you itch, the more skin you lose. It's gross. I hate them. I cannot sleep in a room when there's a mosquito present. I sit up in bed, turn on the light, grab something to use as a swatter and wait. It drives my husband berserk. But I just cannot sleep until the damn thing is dead. They buzz your head and you know you are going to wake up with bites all over. Ugh.

Did I mention the ticks? Ah, well, I'll save that for another time...

Road Trip

Whoa Whoa Whoa! I am just back from a week-long road trip with my husband and father-in- law. We drove 2300 miles round trip to visit my father in law's brother in Kentucky and our friends in the Cincinnati area of northern Kentucky. Sound terrible? It wasn't. We left northern New England covered in snow passing through Mass, CT,PA,MD,WV & KY. It was soooo beautiful. The country side was Spring green everywhere we went. The flowering trees were in bloom: peach, pear, dogwood and red bud. It was such a treat. The skies were heavenly blue with only one rainy day. We visited the Cincinnati Flower Show with its imaginative landscape designs, table setting florals and beautifully cultivated flowers, tschotchke stands and Chef's Pavilion. We drove all over Cincinnati, once a run down city full of racial problems; now a vital and energetic downtown with incredible venues, restaurants, statues,fountains and rehabbed neighborhoods. The Ohio River is clean now; you can eat the fish you catch in it.

We went to a baseball game at the new stadium: Great American Ballpark. It was fantastic. Got to see the Dodgers beat the Reds and Nomar Garciaparra adjusting his gloves and Joe Torre's new management of the team and Ken Griffey Jr and home runs and fireworks and beer and peanuts and all that great stuff. The four of us had a HUGE family, probably 10 of them, sitting behind us; each member louder than the next with that real gritty Kentucky accent. There were two, maybe three adults and the rest were kids ranging in age from 3 up. I kept referring to them as the Bumpeses (from A Christmas Story). Between the kids running up and down the aisles, kicking the backs of our chairs, whining, crying and having to go to the bathroom and the parents either ignoring, cajoling or telling them to "Shut up!" repeatedly, it was truly a memorable night.

Best two outcomes of the trip: our 90 year old uncle seeing his 83 year old brother and 50ish nephew for what could be the last time; visiting friends with whom we are truly comfortable. It was a long drive but I'd do it again tomorrow.

Sideways Dog

We have a great dog named Dewey. He's a mutt. All our dogs are mutts. By all, I mean all two of them. They are adopted as is our adorable cat, Maggie (Feb 20 post). Dewey, however, is unique. He arrived the day after my girlfriend convinced my husband to "just see him". Yeah. Dewey was a 6 month old pup who'd come into her family campground by swimming the river. He was wild and unpredictable and she didn't want a dog. I'm shaking my head saying "No, No, No" while my husband is saying "SURE! We'll look at him!" I knew it was futile.

Dewey arrived the next morning (my girlfriend knew a sure bet when she saw one) and promptly ran into our home, relieved himself on a chair then took a dump on our carpet and ran out. I just sat there. We kept him anyway.

He's a real Heinz 57: lab, pit bull, German Shepherd. He's yellow. He's very skinny. In fact, at one point, my husband was so worried he wasn't gaining weight he was convinced he had a tapeworm.

"Oh, he doesn't have a tapeworm!" I kept repeating.

He had a tapeworm.

We call him Sideways Dog because he reminds us of those poor skinny mutts in Mexico always scratching and biting their fleas who seem to walk sideways down the road. Dewey does all of that and more. We've had him five years now and he's a great frisbee dog, watch dog and friend. But he's still that puppy who bounded in, left a mess, ran out. And he'll always be Sideways Dog.

Old Movies

My husband and I were feeling very lazy yesterday. There is still a lot of snow and it is surprisingly cold outside. He laid a roaring fire in our fireplace and we sat around most of the day watching old movies on AMC & TCM.

We watched an old John Wayne film neither of us knew, "The Shepherd in the Hills". It was notable for two things only: beautiful color and a terrible song. We laughed alot tho' it wasn't a comedy. We watched "The Corn Is Green" & later, the last part of "Now Voyager". It was Bette Davis' 100th birthday with 24 hours of Bette Davis movies on TCM. We agreed she is our greatest female actress. And those eyes!

We later watched another Western, a four hour marathon on the enough-with-the-commercials-already AMC. Robert Duvall starred in this film about taking a herd of horses from Oregon to Wyoming and rescuing bound-for-slavery Chinese girls along the way. I just can't recall the title.

It's a nice thing to share these old films. My husband and I are the same age, grew up in the same area and, consequently, have most things in common. Saturday mornings growing up were spent watching old westerns on our parent's b/w tv's. Old movies were usually on school days when you stayed home sick. I tried to share this with the boys as they were growing up but Saturday mornings for them were all about "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles" and video games. So much for reminiscing with my children.

Post V-Day

Another Valentine's Day has come and gone and my sweet caring husband bought me a gift. He always creates or purchases something I will like. I did not reciprocate in kind because we are on a mutual diet and the one thing I knew he'd enjoy, a box of Rocky Mountain Chocolates from my girlfriend's store, would just dive-bomb the weight loss. I did hit the grocery so I could make a dinner he'd like. But, it really wasn't the same as his thoughtful gift of two readable books and a funny sweet card. I am such an ass. I did make up for it a bit by giving him a massage this morning. No, nothing exotic. Just a good old -fashioned rub down and accupressure on his sore spots, of which there are many. He really felt good after that. I am now very pleased with myself.

Odd Moments

If you follow the weather nationally, you are aware of record snowfall in the Northeast. We are having the snowiest winter in, maybe, thirty years. While I love the beauty of snow frosting the trees and land as I drive through our mountain town, it does wreak havoc on the roads. Last night I drove home from work in one of the worst wind storms and cold spells I've experienced. It was blowing at least 40 mph and the wind chill was sub zero; just miserable. I started up my driveway which by 5pm was somewhat blocked by drifting snow. I thought I could power through it in my all-wheel-drive Subaru but I went into a fishtail and was stuck in a snowbank on the passenger side, rear wheel spinning uselessly. My husband and I spent over 40 minutes trying to dig out the car. He did the hard work and, boy, was he happy with me. It was during those freezing minutes when I thought, among other things, how awful it would be to die stranded in the mountains during the winter. I realized how handy our sons would be if they were still around to help. They could have done the all the work! They could have frozen their asses off and yelled at each other while trying to dislodge the car while we waited warm and cozy in the house. Of course, if they were still here, it probably would have taken most of what was left of the daylight just to get them outside. By then, it would have been dark and they'd have found a reason to leave the car stranded with the possibility of our neighbor coming home and running into it accidentally because he couldn't see the black car in the black night. Yes, we miss them. But, we know exactly what it is we are missing.