Anniversary

I have been married 36 years today if I don't count the divorce, the 3 year hiatus and 1 year of living together before we re-married.  Now, that is quite a story.

Lake Okeechobee Sunset  by Cole Scott

The lake is surrounded by a man made dike, Hoover Dike,  begun in 1929 completed 1971. 

It protects the surrounding communities from floods during hurricane season.   The

dike takes up the lower part of the shoot which explains the perfectly straight horizon.  

My husband is in Florida right now, exploring the Everglades and the Panhandle.  He left New Year's Day  on a road trip with our oldest son.  They drove to Naples where our second son lives.  They spent a week in the warm sun, helping #2 move into a new apt not fifty feet from the beach.  He had quality time with both boys who, when it came time to say goodbye, were very emotional.  #1 flew back to Salt Lake City for his last semester at the U and my husband left Naples the following day. 

Thirty six years of marriage is certainly no small feat.  It has taken every bit of will power we have to make it work.  Ours is not the idyllic chirping of soul mates.  It is the rocky road of ups, downs, angry moments, leave takings and time spent apart held together ultimately by two children we cherish more than life.  We made the decision long ago to make it work and we have. 

Romantic?  Sometimes very.  Our happiest moments together are on vacation, just the two of us, on the road, exploring.  Our greatest accomplishments are those two boys with whom we are "well pleased." 

Why am I not with my husband right now?  He needed to get away and I needed him to be away.  He needed to bond with his sons, spend memorable time together before the inevitable changes in all our lives become permanent. 

At leave taking, our younger son told his father "I don't think I'll be moving home again, Dad." 

That's a powerful statement and, no matter you know it's coming, it shakes you.  It is one of those moments.

As my husband wends his way towards Apalachicola, I  have to admit, it's a pretty good marriage.  When you get to the point where you can give your partner the freedom to explore, enjoy and discover things with or without you,  no strings attached, that's love with an open hand.   

Happy Anniversary honey!

Anniversary

Today would have been my parent's 60th wedding anniversary.  My mother and father would be 95 and 100, respectively.  Mother always said she did not want to live to be "too old" though I'm not sure she meant "old" so much as "infirm".  She did live to be 81 but was bedridden the last 18 months of her life, felled by strokes.  That was the kind of infirmity she dreaded.  Mercifully, she died in her sleep.  She loved me unconditionally and it was wonderful.

Dad lived to be 97.  He's been gone three years now.  It's hard to believe as he was such a presence in my life, mostly an irritating presence, but a presence nonetheless.  I loved my father but he worried too much and he gave way too much advice.  It's hard taking advice when you're in your fifties...forties...etc.  I find myself doing the same damn thing.  The apple doesn't fall too far from the tree.

My brother called to remind me today but I already knew.  I'd been thinking about this anniversary for weeks.  We talked a bit about them; how much we miss them.  We both agreed it's amazing to be married that long.  Our parents married late and both had previous spouses but no children.  I suppose my husband and I can hit that number because we married 35 years ago and we're both only 50.  Why yes, it was a shotgun wedding...

There is a common wisdom that says one can never again be a child once their parents have died.   I have begun to think that is true.  I know it in the deepest part of my Id.  I know I can never again feel the warm comfort of my parent's arms about me, their kisses on my forehead, my father's hand holding mine.  I can talk to them but I cannot be with them.  And I really really miss that. 

The older I become, the more I appreciate their wisdom, their sacrifices, the tragedies endured and the many gifts they gave me, not least of which are my values. As our parents leave us, the little irritations fade and the good things move to the forefront.  As Martha would say, "It's a good thing."

Birthdays & Anniversaries

My husband and I celebrated our 34th wedding anniversary yesterday. Today is his 59th birthday. When asked about the day-before-his-birthday wedding, he likes to say,

"One day I was 24 and single, the next, 25 and married."

This usually gets alot of laughs.

It is daunting, however, to realize we've been married such a long time and are now just this side of 60. I often feel as though I'm living someone else's life. We just can't be this old nor have been together so long. I mean, weren't we just in our twenties?

A favorite movie scene comes to mind in "Meet Joe Black". Anthony Hopkins plays a Rupert Murdoch-style media mogul whose new and mysterious house guest, played by Brad Pitt, is really the Angel of Death, Joe Black. The Angel of Death is on holiday but he'll soon be returning to the netherworld with Hopkins in tow. The Hopkins character is well aware of that fact. His 65th birthday party on his Long Island estate is in full swing when he takes the stage to thank his guests, ending his speech with this wonderful quote,

"I wish that all of you will be as lucky as me, to be able to wake up one day and say 'I don't need anything more'...65 years, gone in a blink."

While searching for this scene from the movie, which I never found, I came across this quote from another blog:

"This is the beginning of a new day. You have been given this day to use as you will. You can waste it or use it for good. What you DO today is important because you are exchanging a day of your life for it. When tomorrow comes, this day will be gone forever; in its place is something that you have left behind... let it be something good." - Author Unknown