Monday, March 10, 2008

"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out!"

The true test of a vacuum is whether or not it can pick up a bb. That's MY litmus test anyway. How do I know this? I've had bbs floating around my house for the past 8 years, ever since my father sent each of his grandsons a Red Ryder model Daisy whatever b b gun for Christmas. As much as I love "A Christmas Story" and the mantra, "You'll shooot your eye out," the presence of bb guns has kept me in a suspended state of anxiety ever since...but only when guns and boys are missing. Don't get me wrong. M y sons love animals. They only shoot beer cans Our cars. Yes, on more than one occasion, they took out the front windshield of our 1986 F350 4x4 ONE TON truck. Nope. No idea how that happened!

I have found more bb's in our house over the past eight years than I have Legos. It used to be Legos were the true test of a vacuum's ability to suck but then the bbs took over. My husband and I were sure we'd be finding Legos in quiet unvacuumed corners, under furniture and under overstuffed cushions for the rest of our lives... or until we moved to a new house and bought all new furniture. Now it's bbs. I don't even know how to spell "bbs". Is it bb's? The apostrophe implies possession and bbs don't possess anything except my carpet, my furniture and my vacuum container. Is it bee bees? Looks like bee gees; the spelling is almost as irritating as the proliferation of the little devils. Luckily, my two dogs and one cat do not find them delicious, nutritous or even mildly interesting. Otherwise, we'd be finding bbs in their intestines.

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