Six Degrees from Graduation

We called our eldest son last night to tell him his University was cancelling his classes because he hadn't paid his tuition.  This has happened before so we weren't surprised.  However, when my husband spoke with our student, he was irritated to some extent but then said, "I don't want to pay for classes I don't need."

He needs six more units til he can graduate.  He has been paying for college through student loans via the Federal Stafford loan program.  It's cheap money but they have requirements, one of which is "half time enrollment" up to each school.  In his case, I believe it's 10 units.  But, for some reason, he's decided to take only the six units he needs even though he does not have the money to pay for them. 

My husband's theory is  he is afraid to graduate and start his life.  We discussed this for a while, trying to remember how we felt.  I remember graduating with my B.A. Liberal Arts in English Lit.  I was very well educated but not trained to do anything.  My husband took a B.S. in Child Development and went on, after a few years of marriage, to get his MSW so he could be a social worker.  We struggled for a long time and I know how this feels. 

My son will have to start his life regardless because the federal loan criteria requires ongoing presence in school or you start paying back the loans until you return to school.  Son #2 is currently paying $101.00 per month for a small amount of loans he took during his two stints in college.  Soon #1 will have a much higher bill, I'm afraid.

How do you guide your child at this point in their lives?  He's 23 years old and has, for all intents and purposes, been independent from us and our financial help for over three years.  We are very proud of him because of this.  He scrapes by as a part time waiter.  School funds give him the additional support he needs.  He's studying Environmental Studies and we think there are many directions in which he can go.  But, we think he's scared. 

If anyone has gone down this path, I'd love to hear about it. 



Truly An Empty Nest Part II Packing To Go

Our move was fast paced and intense.  We had the bright idea of doing it ourselves.  After all, we'd decided to dispose of fifty percent of our belongings:  paperwork, books, furniture, clothing, etc. to expedite the process.  We figured it would be a snap.  Boy, were we wrong!  Fifty percent of eleven years in the same place is a whole lotta crap!  The house was 3200 sq ft with a 3/4 attic and a garage which served as our basement because it was full of stuff.  We parked our cars outside.  No room.  About once a year, my husband would clear out space in the garage and go to the dump.  But we always filled it up again.

Library reading nook

So here we are, calling auctioneers to review the antiques.  It took 3 tries to find someone to take them on consignment which tells you the value of our antiques...not much.  We called Habitat for Humanity but they were on overload from other folks giving them things.  We boxed clothes for various churches and thrift stores and gave almost new furniture to friends.  And then there were the old things nobody wanted, the 20 year old couches and upholstered chairs beaten down by kids and shredded by the cat.  They really weren't even good enough for my younger sons' college friends badly in need of furniture.

Ahhh, the dump, our refuge and saviour.  Hated taking anything there but it was the place of last resort.  The dump store took our small appliances and the dump took twenty years of income tax ppwk and memorabilia. They took our books as well.  Second hand book stores want books with covers or they say they won't sell.  The school library was filled to overflowing.  I mean, what does it say when nobody even wants a full set of encyclopedia?

Living Room with furniture & books to go!

The gleaming kitchen

And the move itself?  Back breaking work for my husband and younger son.  They worked long hours.  It took three solid weeks.  We were still packing two days before closing but we got it done.  The morning we closed, my husband and I drove to the house to gaze one last time at the home we created.  It had been thoroughly cleaned, carpets shampooed, kitchen sparkling and the sun shone through the floor-to-ceiling windows in our living room.  We held one another and thanked God for the happiness we shared in this incredible place with our children and pets and friends.

 

View from the Living Room

And off we went, down the hill, away from our old life, headed for the new one.

For other photos of our home, see below and/or go here.

Truly An Empty Nest Part 1 Life Changes

 ORIGINALLY WRITTEN 11/29/09:

Hand built stone wall holding up our flagstone terrace

My family and I are in the final stages of moving from the house in which we raised our children to the large rambling home of my mother in law.  As you can imagine, it is a move fraught with emotion.

Boy's room

We had been talking of selling our home for a number of years, back at the top of the market in 2005.  We had bought a split level home on top of a mountain in 1998, moving in Thanksgiving weekend.  It had spectacular views, alot of potential, and not much else.   The boys were 11 and 10 and we'd lived in New Hampshire a year.  The house had promise and we made an acceptable offer.  We moved in Thanksgiving weekend.  We began renovations the following January.  We never looked back.

Master Bath created  circa 1999

As houses go, it was spacious, with large rooms and a fairly open floor plan.  It was built on a slab, something Californians understand but New Englanders do not.  The bank had a heck of a time finding comps for the appraisal.  We were getting a good deal and we believed we'd make money on it.  The views were too good, we had closet space galore and three bathrooms, soon to be four.   Our seller, the original owner, had installed an odd assortment of fixtures, cabinetry and bathroom appliances from various and sundry projects on which he'd worked.  The bathrooms had flesh toned fixtures,  the cabinetry was left over from a condo project on which he had additional pieces.  His electric work was definitely not up to code but the house was sound and he was a good guy who installed a new heating system and replaced the roof before we moved in. The negatives were an unfinished downstairs, mostly exposed concrete slab, a dingy, poorly designed kitchen, and the dirt road on which we lived..    The positives were the large rooms, the front porch we would turn into our living room, the 270 degree views and the national forest abutting our property.  We had privacy and a safe yard for the dogs.

Boys' Bathroom                                                                                                 Guest Bathroom

My husband and I are no strangers to moving.  This would be our eighth move.  It would be our sixth purchased home.  But this time was different.  This time I did not want to go.  This time, I felt my heart breaking.

Winter at our home